Mario Kart Fanfiction
by ghostwritethewhip
Summary: Mario needs a psychiatrist


"I know it's time for you to be off, Doc, but thanks for opening the door for me."

"It's not like I wanted to, Mario. With you threatening to burn down my office with circles of fire—man, what else was I supposed to do?"

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"Whatever. You may be the first plumber turned actor I ever met, but you definitely aren't the first game star to take his roles too seriously. Mushroom?"

"No, thanks. I'm full from some fire flowers I ate earlier."

"Your loss. And can you stop looking from side to side like that? You're making me feel like I'm playing one of your games right now and my controller just broke."

"Sorry."

"Just tell me. What is it this time? Dreams of Bowser stealing your girl again? Ghosts creeping up behind you when you aren't looking? You running through galaxies? Becoming a raccoon? Losing your hat? What?"

"Karts."

"Carts?"

"Yeah. Karts.

"What? You mean like shopping carts?"

"No. Like go karts."

"Go karts?"

"Yeah, Doc. And I see banana peels and koopa troopas and arrows that make you go faster and oil leaks that make you go slower and islands and..."

"Just go over there and sit on the leather couch like usual, Mario."

"Thanks, Doc."

"Yeah. Let's get this over with so I can get ready to go on my vacation."

"Oh, where are you going, Doc?"

"Well, it's this nice little intimate place called 'None of Your Business.' You should go there sometime. Now what happens in this dream?"

"Well, Doc…it starts off with me in a go kart. I'm in last place at the start line. My palms are slippery against the steering wheel. At first, I'm not sure if it is me behind the wheel until a voice resonates in my head and says, 'It's me, Mario.'"

"Classic one-liner. Awesome. Ok, continue."

"Everyone's there. Family, friends, enemies. We're all strapped in our karts, unable to get out."

"Sounds cool. You sure that everyone was there though?"

"I'm positive! Even one of those cloud koopas."

"Seriously! From the very first Mario Brothers?"

"Yeah. He holds a signal light with a fishing rod."

"C'mon, Mario. A freakin' fishing rod?"

"I know, Doc. I know. And the light. It starts off on red with a long beep. Like 'beeeep'."

"Stop with the sound effects, Mario."

"Sorry."

"Yeah. But what else happens?"

"Engines rev. Yellow shines. Then, Doc...Green. And my foot slams on the gas pedal and I'm off! Weaving in and out of traffic like a mad man! Passing Toad, Bowser, my brother, and even my beloved Princess."

"I don't care who she is. Don't ever let a girl beat you, Mario."

"Not even Mama?"

"Especially not your Mama. I let my mom beat me at something once and you know what she did? She told my dad that I let a girl beat me. Ruined my life, Mario."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"No you're not. No one ever is. Just finish with the dream."

"So I'm going through these different places: islands, ghost towns, villages, deserts--everywhere. And each place is dangerous, like I could lose my life at any minute. And even when I fall off a cliff to what I think is my death, that same flying koopa troopa saves me with his fishin rod and brings me back to the stage. What do you think this dream means?"

"It means what it always means, Mario. You can't just be satisfied with being a game star of a side scroller. When you had a dream of 32-bit graphics, what happened?"

"…."

"Do away with the stupid look Mario. I'll tell you what happened. You became a 32-bit star. Then, you had a dream about riding a dinosaur and what did the studio give you in your next big hit? A freakin' dinosaur. I wouldn't be surprised if you had a dream about playing soccer?"

"Um..."

"Um, what, Mario? Don't tell me. You have a game coming out that has you playing soccer?"

"Sorry, Doc!"

"Corndogs, Mario! You can't just leave it alone can you?"

"I said I was sorry."

"Is it fun?"

"What?"

"The soccer game? Is it fun?"

"Extremely!"

"Power moves? Power ups? Bad guys?"

"All of that."

"Sweet."

"But why do you think I have these dreams?"

"Because you want it all, Mario. You're the type that can't be satisfied with just 120 stars. You won't be happy until you get the big star on the Hollywood Walk of Game."

"What do you think I should do, Doc?"

"Seriously, Mario? What you are going through isn't all that bad? But you have been working hard these past decades. If you can, you should lay low for at least a week or two. Do you have anywhere that you can go so you can relax and get away from Hollywood for a while?"

"Luigi's mansion. He's actually working on a new game, so I can borrow his place."

"Is it close to here?"

"Not really, Doc. It's near Hawaii. It's on Yoshi's Island."

"Good. The further the better."

"When should I come back and see you, Dr. Mario?"

"I think you will know when you have laid low long enough. When you discover something new about yourself. Like on Super Mario Bros. 3 when you knelt down for a while in certain parts of the stage just so you could go further in the game. That's what real life will feel like."

"I can't thank you enough, Doc."

"You can by getting off of my couch and grabbing that extra Wii remote so we can annihilate this online nutcase that's been calling himself the Smash Bros. King. You down, Mario?"

"But what about your vacation?"

"Forget about that. You down, Mario?"

"But I really don't want to hurt anyone?"

"Ok, well how would you feel if I told you this same guy stole the princess right before you got here."

"What! Oh, it's going down, Doc. Gimme that controller and a Red Bull. Somebody's about to lose an extra man, and I'm sure as Bowser's Castle (a.k.a. Hell) that it won't be me."

(Mario and the additional characters used in this short fan-fiction are copyrighted products of Nintendo, and do, in no way, belong to me.)

**.com**


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